Wednesday, September 14, 2005

running down .. like you said


i'm starting to wear down. the simple things he never does are pacing through my finger tips. he's not supposed to mean this much, but flesh burns faster than a memory. i want him to recognize me more. oh, how i've longed for a secret to be held. a tightly clasped whisper between my mouth and pillows.

this time, i'm going to keep it all to myself.
this time, i'm going to keep me all to myself.

Sunday, September 11, 2005

he always liked to fall apart.

pulling his hand from mine, he asked me [beneath layers of fuzz and alcohol] if i was attached. what more could i have done. i looked at him in the eyes - 'no..' - .. what was he implying? should i have thought this through? why was he right?

as he returned his hand curled under mine, i couldn't help but pull away. move farther away from him. it was as if he didn't understand .. he knows i love him. it's not hurting, even if i crack a little when i see him with another. i dont want to give up. i dont want [him] to leave. i have no where else to claim.

pulling up. a tug. a clasp of hands. his hug. goodnight kiss [x3].

Saturday, September 10, 2005

kids will be skeletons

we're repositioning the rebound, through the covers of couches and the minute long stares into each others eyes; somehow it all seems so surreal. everything i could ever want - whenever he's not around.

i may have woken up to a dead cricket on my windowsill but the gleaming through my dreams hasn't let me throw it away yet. in my mind, it's still just as alive; watching the world outside my window break apart. i'll ignore your phone calls. and if i ever see you again i'll leave before a moment could be spoken.

that was my hand you were holding.

Thursday, September 08, 2005

[seizure] revisit[ed]

gaining the weight of the world and finding the backdoors been sewn shut.
an almost [crystal] clear understanding of where i've been and where i'm heading.

this wasn't like the fortune cookie stated.
this isn't what the teller predicted.

this is the story of my life.
[and these are the lies i have created.]